i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
