A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
