Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I cannot find my penis.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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