I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
