sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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