if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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