It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
