If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
