My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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