My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
