I'm pants shitting drunk right now
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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