Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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