Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
