Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
