we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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