one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
