She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
