just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
