Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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