Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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