Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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