Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
