I didn't shave. On purpose
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
