I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
