I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
