..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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