Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(225): View more from Louisiana

at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?

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(908): View more from New Jersey

If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..

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(910): View more from North Carolina

The strip club called, they have your shoe.

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(719): View more from Colorado

it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.

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(602): View more from Arizona

When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.

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(706): View more from Georgia

It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table

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(813): View more from Florida

And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.

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