I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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