Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
