Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
