Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
