i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
