Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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