I want to stick my p in your. b.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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