dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
