I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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