God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
