my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
