I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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