I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
