Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
