Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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