he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
