Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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