i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
