I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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