There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
