I didn't shave. On purpose
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
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