I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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