if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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